Well, it looks like this might be my last post for a while. It seems Dani is itching to take control of her blog back. I hope you'll read the rest of my story in Submerged. Today's subject is a touchy one for me. I'm a Christian. I should know all about redemption. Thing is, I believe Christ died for my sins and I believe He saved me, but I still struggle. As you've learned these past few weeks if you read my posts on Facing Your Fears and Shame (still stinging from that one), I continue to wrestle with fear and shame.
I should know better. I should have it all together on the inside like I do on the outside, but I don't.
I still struggle.
I still hurt.
Regret and shame still cling to me like an ugly old sign flashing 'she doesn't belong.'
I strive to be good, to be perfect and on the outside I might even appear to be, but on the inside....
Bethany shared redemption's definition over on Katie's blog today. Four and Five hit me the hardest.
1. An act of redeeming or the state of being redeemed
2. Deliverance or rescue
3. Deliverance from sin; salvation
4. Atonement from guilt (I wish! I know I'm saved, but I fear this guilt will never go away. And, in truth, I don't deserve for it to).
5. Repurchase, as of something sold (I gave myself away painfully enough, but you're going to have to read my story if you want to find out more, because unlike Dani, I'm not ready to share the source of my shame).
What about you? Which definition of redemption hits you hardest, for good or for bad?